The Dream Scream

Okay. I have done it. 

And you should be impressed. 

Especially since I have done it more than once.

Yes, I have broken The Dream Scream Barrier.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Dreams. The ones that are so vivid, so frightening, so real that they feel like they are happening.

You are pinned down,
heart pounding,
unable to run,
or hit,
or kick,
or scratch,
or even wriggle.
You have to get free, but you can't.
You have to run away, but you can't.
You need help and you need it fast.
But there is nothing you can do except...
Scream.

So you try. But nothing comes out.
You try again. Still nothing.
You try again... And again...

The grasp is tightening, the threat imminent.
Beads of sweat are forming on the back of your neck and across your forehead.
And if you don't do something fast you Just. Might. Die.
So you muster all your strength and scream once more.

AAAAAAAAA!!! 

And this time you are actually able to get something out!
Sometimes this is nothing more than a little tiny squeak that hardly represents the terror you're experiencing. (Frustrating!)
But every once in awhile, when you really, really mean it, that scream comes all the way out.
Loudly.
So loudly it wakes you.
And then...

Congratulations! 

You are now one of the Elite Dreamers.

Because you have broken The Dream Scream Barrier.

This happened to me for the first time last fall with two sisters and one sister-in-law, all of us sleeping in one big basement room. I had a horrifying dream and I screamed so hard that I broke The Dream Scream Barrier. They all flew out of bed, flooded the room with light, and asked concerned questions. I think they were alarmed. But me? I was just so proud of myself!!! Seriously, who does not want to do this?

Well, as it turns out, I must have been happier about my accomplishment than I even thought, because it has happened again. And again. And a few times again. I am actually getting really good at this game. So good that a few weeks ago, and again not so long ago, it wasn't just a scream.
It was an entire phrase.
Impressive, I know. Really. Even I'm a little amazed that I can get these things out. But the dreams? I'm not gonna lie, I am growing a little tired of them. Literally tired. Because once you've been awakened in the middle of the night by a dream like that it's kind of hard to get back to sleep.

Trust me when I say that talking (and screaming!) in my sleep really is a new thing for me.
And I've decided it's not something you can teach yourself to do.
It has to come from the gut, rooted in something more than the conscious mind can grasp.
This is not always pretty.

But you should know that in the midst of these screaming incidents I have had One Shining Dream Moment that just about makes it all okay.
This happened in January when my siblings and I had all gathered to surprise my dad to help him clean up his house a little lot.
The night before we showed up unannounced on his doorstep I found myself with two sisters, all of us sleeping in one big basement room.
As daylight broke I was still fast asleep.
But my sister was not. And she heard me clearly say...

"I'm so thankful..."

(Imagine me smiling a little bit about this.)

She was delighted to hear such a happy phrase so early in the morning and thought I was setting a shining example by starting the day with such a positive proclamation!

I had no idea I had.

(Yup. Still smiling.)

I've thought a lot about my dreams since then. All of them. Good and bad. And I've decided I definitely have a strong opinion about them. I think they carry meaning and often come from the deepest wells of our souls, especially when they evoke compelling emotion, so as to wake us from our sleep; or to leave us with a feeling that can linger for days. And I have come to recognize my frightful dreams as reminder and warning dreams, linked to real fears in my real life - past, present, and even future. So I pay attention to them.

But I'm lucky, because I don't just get terrifying dreams.
I also get funny dreams,
happy dreams,
and warm, peaceful, safe dreams.

And on that one January morning, a grateful dream.

It seems no accident that this manifested even when I was unaware,
as it truly speaks of the things of my heart.
For while there may be fear,
there is also hope.

And evidence all around that I have every reason to be thankful.