When Kid Middle Met Her Man

For years Kid Middle has been dating boys. Lots and lots of boys.  For the past while our post-first date conversations have gone like this:

Me:  "So...how was the date?"
Kid Middle:  "It was fine."
Me:  "Fine? What do you mean by that?"
Kid Middle:  "It was good, I guess."

Long pause...

Me:  "Hmm. So, what did you think of him?"
Kid Middle:  "Eh, he's a cool kid."

(Or a fun kid... or a cute kid... or a nice kid... or whatever description of "kid" fits that day.)

Me:  "A kid? What does that even mean?"
Kid Middle:  "I dunno. He's cool."

(Or fun... or cute... or whatever.)

Me:  "Hmm."

Then silence.

And I have always been left to wonder, what the heck does she means by kid?
And why the heck is it so hard to suck boy information out of her?

But one day I got a different kind of call from Kid Middle. It went something like this:

Kid Middle:  "Mom." (Yes, she said it like a statement. A very urgent statement.) "I just went on a date with the most beautiful man."
Me:  "Really." (Yes, I said it like a statement. Except not urgent at all.) "A man?"
Kid Middle:  "Yes... a man."

And when she said man it was all oozy and junk.
Then she spilled. And spilled. And spilled. I could not get Kid Middle to shut up!
Suddenly she was an open book about all things man.

And I got that mother feeling that tells you things are about to change.

Kid Middle sent me these picture texts. And I learned stuff.

Stuff like that man wears sunglasses.

And a uniform.

Right then I knew we were in trouble.

(Leave it to Kid Middle to find the one man who would not be intimidated by her father...)