The U-Turn

A year and a little bit ago I began feverishly training for an April half marathon. Following a very strict schedule that outlined times and distances with exactness, I spent the icy winter on the treadmill, painstakingly logging and recording every mile to the second. I worked hard, sweat hard, and pushed hard. And with every single run I exceeded my training goal.

I was motivated. 

I was determined. 

I was strong.

This year I am training for the same April half marathon. And today I completed a run. A Completely Awful run.

This has not been my first Completely Awful run of the training season. In fact, Not-Awful runs have become the exception rather than the rule. My strong and determined runs of a year ago have given way to tearful runs, angry runs, frustrated runs, shouting runs (I swore once...out loud), and walking more than running runs. And although I am lighter than I was when I began running five years ago, most of this year's runs have felt heavier than ever.

With the race just a little more than four weeks out I have had to accept the reality that my finish times will not be what they have been. No matter what I do. 

So I'm left with no choice but to recalculate.

(Recalculating...Recalculating... Recalculating...)

I've thought about this a lot. Mostly about how it often seems that the annoying GPS lady is really sending a message about my life. But more importantly, what it means if she is.

I have come to this conclusion: It's all about the U-Turn.

For the run this means changing my direction, not just to the perpendicular right or left, but all the way around. Back to where I began. 

It means starting slow if I have to.

It means listening to how I feel. 

It means pushing, but not too hard.

It means fighting through the pain.

It means slowly gathering strength.

It means running when I can, and walking when I have to.

It does not mean stopping.

Above all, it means getting back to the core of why I run.

Freedom. Clarity. Balance. Strength. Power. Joy. 

All things that have less to do with the body, and more to do with the soul.

All things I can gain without a time goal.

It's pretty much the same for living. Sometimes you have to recalculate. You have to suspend the goal, make the U-Turn, and go back to where you began.

The place where you...

Start slow if you have to.
Listen to how you feel.
Push, but not too hard.
Fight through the pain.
Slowly gather strength.
Run when you can, and walk when you have to.
But do not stop.
Above all, get back to the core of why you live.

And here you can fill in your own answers.

For the next few weeks I will be taking a brief hiatus from life as I know it. And I will train in the altitude. 

This will be hard.

This will be slow.

This will be painful.

But it needn't be discouraging if I can just remember...

Freedom. Clarity. Balance. Strength. Power. Joy. 

And not just for my run. For my life.