Monday Morning Rant

I'm sorry to start the week with a rant, but sometimes I just can't help myself. 

And this is definitely one of those times.

My rant for today actually started a few weeks ago when I got a pedicure. Please know that I love a good pedicure! Honestly. If I could get one every day I would. Followed by a massage. Then a shopping spree.

But this most recent pedicure? 

Two words. 

Really. Bad. 

For starters, the man who did it scrubbed like a girl. And when I say this I am seriously talking about a girl. Who is about 6. It was the wimpiest exfoliating, lotioning, massaging, and everything-else-that-is-good about a pedicure that I have ever experienced!

And then I made a fatal pedi mistake. I asked for a decoration on my big toes. I usually like a little decoration on my big toes, and take an unreasonable amount of satisfaction from having a little crystal to rub my feet against. Weird, I know. But I love it. Almost to the point of obsession.

But when I asked for it this time I did not know that my nail technician 

was actually a closet artist. Or so he thought.

And the way his eyes lit up as he rolled across the floor to get his decorating caddy 

should have been a clear sign that I was in trouble! 

It started like this:

Melon colored sparkly polish. Okay, I freely admit that this was all my fault. Because I chose it. And I did second guess it about 10 times. As each toe of the stunningly beautiful girl beside me was painted in a very sophisticated neutral color.

The sparkly melon color may or may not have been a mistake. This I will never know because of what happened next...

A) A white flower on each of my big toes. Not a problem, though I'm quite certain there could have been a better color choice for melon polish.

B) White flower followed by....red stripes? Yes, you read that right. Red stripes. And since I was in a good mood that day, the beginning of a giggle.

C) Eh....red stripes followed by yellow polka-dots. True story. Oy. (More giggling.)

D) Yellow polka-dots followed by very long and large bright green leaves, extending diagonally across nearly the entire surface of the nail. Are we serious? Apparently so, because the nail technician was clearly pleased with himself. And I was now giggling audibly. I couldn't help it.

E) Then the crystal. Ah! I love the crystal and it always makes me smile, and usually signals the end of decoration on the toes.

But this time? Not so.....

F) Must. First. Add:    Silver Sparkly Leaf Lining!     Huh.....?

And I officially have a party on my toes!!
A very obnoxious party.

Here is proof. 

You needn't look far to see everything that is wrong with this pedicure.
Starting with the over-coating of the topcoat.
Not to mention the poor cuticle trimming.
Or the party.

Which brings me to my rant...

This morning I removed the polish, which should have lasted much longer than it did. And my toenails now need clipping. But I cannot find a good pair of clippers anywhere!! Am I the only one with this problem?

I promise that I have purchased no less than 20 pair of good clippers in the last not so very long. One time I even bought every single person in the house their own pair of good clippers at the same time.

But what was there to be found this morning? Only the bad clippers. The ones that have been passed down from generation to generation (trust me...this is something that should never happen). The ones that are rusty. The ones that are dull from cutting clothing tags and loose threads.
Only the worst of the clippers are to be found.

And why do they even exist in my home?
I. Do. Not. Know.
Not one good pair in sight!

So you should know that as soon as I click "publish post" and throw on a pair of shoes you will find me at the Walmart. With long toenails. Sans shower and make-up.

I will be purchasing 5 pair of good clippers. For myself.
I will hide them everywhere.
And then make a spreadsheet to remind me where I put them.

Lucky for me, I have this to make it all better.

Monday morning rant over. 

And why shouldn't it be? 

Isn't he about the cutest thing you have ever seen?

: )   : )   : )

The Thing About Eggs

Okay. Confession. I am a breakfast eater. But not really an early breakfast eater. 

More of a late breakfast eater, like around 9am, when I start to feel hungry. 

And I really, really like breakfast foods. 

In my perfect world it would be several big, fluffy, french toast with lots of butter, just the right amount of syrup, and a dollop of whipped cream (yum!); 12 pieces of bacon; scrambled eggs with ham and cheese; super crispy hash browns with ketchup; and chocolate milk (and none of that skim stuff). 

All of it. Every morning. 

But alas, there is no amount of running that can undo what a breakfast like that will do. 

So I usually stick with one egg, canadian bacon (at 15 calories a piece) and a piece of whole wheat toast. 

BORING! 

Even still, I like my protein in the morning. And I really like eggs. 

Except for this one thing. 

Raw eggs. 

And the carton. 

(And by one thing, I mean, two.) 

There is just something about a raw egg that creeps me out. They are icky, and sticky, and slimy and gooey. And have you ever tried to clean one up after it falls on the floor? So disgusting! 

It is at times like those that I wonder how I can ever eat the things!

I try very hard to separate myself from all that is gross about eggs so that I can still enjoy them for breakfast. 

And you should know that I love my red meat cooked medium rare. Give it to me red and juicy, baby. 

But the egg?

Must. Be. Overcooked. 

No exceptions. 

And there's one more thing. The carton.

 I have very strict rules. 

They go like this:

Can you see what's going on here?

If not, try again.

And again.

Here. I'll make it easy for you.

See what I'm talking about?

Balance. It's all about balance.

I am not making this up. Call me neurotic, call me obsessive, call me crazy. I don't really care. 

The truth is that I am deeply disturbed when the eggs are not perfectly balanced in the egg carton. 

I try very, very hard to ignore this. But sometimes (often?) I can't help it and I have to add to or take away from my egg breakfast so I can return the egg carton to the fridge in perfect balance. 

And over the years I have come up with just about every possible arrangement of eggs to achieve this. 

I know. Whacko. But still. It is what is. 

And this?

One word.

NEVER.

Never, ever put empty eggshells back in the carton. 

Don't do it!

It's just...Ew.

And that's the thing about eggs.

(And by thing, I mean things.)

Serendipity

Serendipity.

I like this word. It sounds cool. And it's fun to say. And it's about happy, unexpected, fortunate happenings. What more could you possibly want from a word? Really. I can think of nothing. One day I would like to think up a word that is even half as good. And then make it a part of everyone's vocabulary.

Serendipity is good any time. But it's best when it happens in real life. 

When it does it goes a little like this. 

Serendipity Scenario 1: You're at Girl's Camp. It is hot, hot, HOT! And soon time for campfire. Who wants a campfire when it is hot, hot, HOT? Enter a serendipitous (also a most excellent word!) idea.

Poolfire!! Without the fire.

 And the best "campfire" ever!

This spider decided to join us. By swimming across the water. Where do these things come from, anyway?

 Here you can see reflections caused by propane lanterns at poolfire.

Serendipity Scenario 2: You're still at Girl's Camp. It's the last night and you have made it through the week with no pranks. And you wake in the morning to find a minivan covered in silly string, graffiti, and all sorts of fun messes! It is not your minivan.

But later you find out it was meant to be!

Seriously. This happened. If I had known it was meant for me I would have taken a picture. But trust me when I say, serendipity doesn't get any better than this!! I mean honestly, what could be better than feeling the love from the girls...on someone else's van? Thank you, ladies! You rock my Girl's Camp world!!! : )

Serendipity Scenario 3: There is a dramatic Midwestern storm moving in. You are working to learn a new photography technique and decide to practice while shooting the storm clouds. While trying to get a shot like this...

Another version:

...you end up with a shot like this.

LIGHTNING!! In a photo. Of MINE!! 

I could not in a thousand years capture this shot by actually trying. 

This is true serendipity!! 

And needless to say, it made me silly with excitement. : )

Here is another version.

And another:

I may, or may not, have even more versions of this serendipitous photo sitting on my computer.

So there you have it.
Serendipity.
It rocks my world.

Now I wish for you a week filled with serendipity! 

Watch for it. 

And when it happens, think about it. And say the word. 

Serendipity.

It just feels that good.

: )

Summertime and The Livin' Is Easy...

I have had this song stuck in my head for days! Ever since I crossed the  Missouri River. Six times. In one week. The water is really high. And I thought the next line was, "Fish are jumpin', and the water is high".

I was wrong. It's about cotton.
And Gershwin lied. Summertime livin' is NOT easy!

The fact that it's nearly three weeks since I've made it to the blog is proof positive of what I'm saying here. I've got a lot of catching up to do! But for today I have got to get something off my mind.

It's about pet peeves. I have a few. But there is one especially big one that I just have to get out!

It is: Word verifications. Yes, word verifications.

You know when you try and search for concert tickets online, or place an order online, or post a comment on someone's blog online and a box with an obscure and very fuzzy combination of letters pops up with a phrase that says something like, "word verification: please type the following in the box below"? Yes, that's what I'm talking about it.

And what they want you to "type in the box below" looks something like this:

ablingd tijaryya

That is what popped up last time I had to write in a "word verification". True story.

And here is a sampling of some of the other "word verifications" I have run across recently.

hasovi gencei

roonago sunlati

squinge

packado

ejune ercelown

This leaves me with just one thing to say...


People...THESE ARE NOT WORDS!!!

Trust me. I have looked them up. They Are. Not. Words.

But it's not just the not-word words that bothers me about this whole thing. It's how they are written out. They are squiggly, and cryptic, with letters all smashed together and distorted. They make me squint and furrow my eyebrow. And they give me a headache. Every time I have to type in one of these not-word words I wonder, "How the heck does someone with eyes older than mine manage to figure this out?" Are you with me here?

One day I was having an especially difficult time with an especially obscure not-word word and noticed that there is a little handicap icon next to the box. I figured this was for people like me. With a headache. So I clicked on it. If you have ever done this, raise your hand. If it helped you at all, put it down.

My hand is decidedly down. It did not help me. Because it sounded like this:

"squingeeju6neercel3ownhasovig9enceiro0onagosunl0atirestlip7ackado2isisli4oablingd6tijaryya.Again."

And after "again" a repeat. I'm pretty sure they just took all those not-word words and mumbled them together with numbers interspersed. I assume you're supposed to type in the numbers, since they are the one thing that is not like the others... But still, there are no instructions for this! 

It all leaves me very perplexed.

And annoyed.

And that is my rant for the day. 

I am feeling better already. : )

In other news, you'll be happy to know that there is indeed Potato Bread in the Potato State!! 
I got this happy text, with its accompanying picture, from a friend who lives there:

"BAM! Potato bread :)"

But wait, it gets better! One of my other friends did me the favor of researching Bimbo Bakeries. She sent me links so I could learn about them. And I am sharing them. So you can learn, too. : )

http://www.bimbobakeriesusa.com/about_us/our_history.html
http://www.grupobimbo.com.mx/display.php?section=1

I have awesome friends!

And one last parting shot. The Mississippi River. It's pretty full, too.

(*Sings*  "Fish are jumpin', and the water is high...")

Back at the blog. YAY!!

The Contrapositive Spider

I know, I know. I should never, ever again, in all the history of blogging, have to post another spider picture.

But I'm going to today.
And then I'm done.
Hopefully.

But first a story.

A couple of years ago I planted hydrangeas in my backyard. I love hydrangeas...white hydrangeas, and purple hydrangeas, and blue hydrangeas, and pink hydrangeas, and green hydrangeas, and well, you get the idea. But these weren't really hydrangeas I planted. They were just stalks of wood. With a leaf or two. (Long story...don't ask.) I dug up the earth, poked them in the dirt, and have spent the last two years wondering if they would ever grow and bloom.

Imagine my delight when this spring I looked out my window and off my deck and saw those stalks of wood all full and green and covered with buds!

YAY! I actually squealed with delight at this sight! And waited anxiously to see what color they were. Really.
I had no idea. Because the stalks of wood I plopped into the ground were just plain brown.

Well, now my hydrangeas are in full bloom and they are...white!! Yay!
This is nothing too special because most hydrangeas are white. But still, I love white hydrangeas!

In addition to being white, these hydrangeas are loud.
Very loud.
And for days they have been screaming at me to come inside.
In a vase.
For my table.

So the other day I went outside with some scissors and snipped away a beautiful bouquet. And I brought it inside to strip the leaves, snip some more, dip the stems in boiling water, and rest them in a vase of cool water.

(You should know that displaying freshly cut hydrangeas is actually a little more complicated than displaying freshly picked dandelions.)

While I was snipping one stem I saw this little white bubble sitting on top of a bloom.

So I picked it up.
And guess what...

It was a spider!!!
Yes, you read that right. A spider!
That I picked up!!!

Then put down...
Quickly!

Then I watched. It was the most beautiful little spider I have ever seen. Creamy white, and exactly the color of my hydrangeas. Its little bubbly back even looked textured like my hydrangeas. I took pictures. And I could not bring myself to squish such a lovely creature. So The Man put it in a little container for me. And I carefully deposited it back on top of one of the hydrangea plants...outside.

You should know that when I dropped it on top of the plant, its legs turned green to match the stem it was clinging to. And its body stayed white to match the bloom it was partially resting on. Very cool!

But ever since I have been trying very hard to forget about the thought of what color it might turn if deposited on a very dark slice of rotten potato. Oy.

The Spider

The Hydrangeas

The End

Spider Proof!

Warning: 

This post contains graphic images and is not intended for the faint of heart. 

Please proceed at your own risk. 

You may want a throw-up bucket nearby. I'm just sayin'...

Last week I went to camp. I learned that mobile blogging probably works. But me and my good intentions probably don't. At least while camping. So now I get to catch you up on stuff this week instead.

If you remember, just before going to camp I posted about the spiders that are the size of small hamsters. In case you thought I was exaggerating, which I never do, I brought you photographic evidence. Proof.

Here is photo one:

Okay. Is there anything about this spider that does not shout, "ICK!!"? I think not! 

Here is photo two. Some Brave Soul threw a Sharpie beside it so you could get an idea of relative size. 

I was not that brave soul:

See that white dot on its head? Yes, that is one of its MANY beady, creepy, unpredictable, 

and conniving little eyes reflecting the camera flash. 

And because of odd angles in a closet space you can't completely tell the size. 

So here is one last pic:

I am certain there is distortion in this shot and that this spider is actually much larger than it looks. 

Much, much larger. 

Really, really certain.

I am also certain that it could actually take a hefty chunk out of my leg in my sleep.
Which explains exactly why I sleep in my van.

(What you can't tell is that the abdomen of this spider is the size of the Sharpie cap. I was not about to pose the spider to make this point.)

We found it in a supply closet in our cabin as we were cleaning on the last day of camp.
Same Some Brave Soul caught this spider and released it into the wild. I did not hang around to watch this.

Ick, Ick, Ick, Ick, ICK!!

Okay. You can put away the throw-up bucket now.

So, also at camp we had this awesome castle that the girls could write down acts of service performed for them on paper "bricks" to cover the castle walls. It was a great way to remind the girls about the importance of "doing for others" and was a stunning visual of how many took this reminder to heart.

This is how it looked on the last day of camp.

Isn't that amazing?

There were all kinds of wonderful things recorded that one girl had done for another.

Things like:

"Made my bed"

"Gave me a piggy back ride"

"Spoke kind words"

"Carried injured Princess"

"Helped me feel included"

All kinds of important, kind, and thoughtful acts of service.

But there were others that really caught my eye. 

I took pics to share.

What acts of service could possibly be more thoughtful, kind, brave, 

and full of selfless love than those involved in squooshing gigantic spiders? 

I think none!

Thank you, Oh, Brave Ones, for keeping our sleeping legs intact!

And there you have it. Proof. Proof that it's not just me. Or my cabin.

And that there is always, always reason to sleep in my van.

Life is Good

10 Things That Made Me Smile Today

1. Pine nuts on my salad. Little crunchy packages of tasty nuttiness. I love them!

2. A vibrantly pink sunset. How I love the Midwestern sunsets! They add something breathtaking to my life nearly every single night.

3. Driving a very hilly section of town faster than the speed limit. And getting that stomach turnover thingy that I did as a kid.

4. Walking out the door into heat and humidity that hit like a brick wall. I love how this feels! True story.

5. Walking in the door to air-conditioning that instantly chilled. (I dont' really love how this feels, but it makes me smile to know I can walk right back out to the brick wall.)

6. A little girl in the parking lot incessantly sucking in and out of a harmonica while her mom browsed the perennials. If you haven't incessantly sucked in and out of a harmonica and driven everyone around you crazy, you haven't lived.

7. Randy at Costco. : )

8. A really good workout!

9. Peanut Butter M&M's. Kept in the glove compartment of my car so they are all melty and warm. One of my favorite summertime treats! If you have never tried this, you should. Yum!

10. And this:

Isn't she just about the most beautiful girl you have ever seen? I think so, too. 

And I can't think of a more lovely reminder to find the things that make you smile.

Every day.

Life is Good!

Going to Camp

Today I am going to Girl's Camp.
Five days of outdoor living with 120 girls between the ages of 12 and 18.
This sounds a little tortuous. And sometimes it is.

But I actually really love Girl's Camp!

Except for the sticky heat.
And the dirt.
And the mosquitoes.
And the dirt.
And the ticks.
And the dirt.
And ants.
And mice.
And snakes.
And dirt.

And spiders the size of small hamsters.

Not making this up. They are that big. And sometimes they carry their whole baby brood on their backs. I'm sure they do this in hopes of us sparing their hairy, squishy lives. And sometimes it works, because who wants to deal with all those scattering little spider babies? But I will not bow! When I see those crazy spiders moms all I can think about is how everything is cute as a baby, even kittens, and then it grows up. I know that one day those little clingy spidey guys will be the size of small hamsters. Just like mom. So I have no problem calling someone else to kill the sulky and conniving females...and their broods.

This week I am going to try something new. Mobile blogging. From my cell phone. Because there are always great things that happen at camp and you don't want to miss out, right? I have no idea if this will work. But you might want to check it out just in case!

Now wish me luck with the slimy showers, poison ivy, and 120 girls who giggle and scream all through nights
1-3, and cry all through night 4...

Signing off with a large can of spider spray, ear plugs, and enough chocolate to last through a seven year drought. Yes, you can be my friend. I like to share. : )

Hasta la Vista, baby!

PS. Here are some cool spider pictures for your Monday enjoyment. Because I want everyone to enjoy spiders as much as I do!

PPS. I don't really enjoy spiders at all. They are creepy. And unpredictable. And not at all cute. Even as babies.

Bragging Session

Every once in awhile I have to do it.
I just can't help myself. I try not to. But the mother in me can't be stopped.
Every once in awhile I just have to brag on a child of mine.

Today is every once in awhile. 

This is Kid One. She coaches ballroom. And she is FIERCE! 

(Photo courtesy of Kid Middle)

On a recent trip I got to watch Kid One run a rehearsal for her High School Ballroom Team in preparation for their Spring Concert.

And let's just stop right here for a moment and dissect that last sentence...

Run a rehearsal
High School
Ballroom

Team

Preparation

Concert

Is there anything about the combination of these words that is not intimidating? I didn't think so! 

But at the rehearsal I watched this sentence in action and was amazed at the things that Kid One can do!
And I decided to share. So you can be amazed, too. : )

I'll start with picture teasers. Because everything is more fun with pictures!

Here is a rehearsal picture. I took it.

Here is a concert picture. I did not take it.

Okay. Now is a short list of what Kid One does to put together a 1-hour, 21 dance Ballroom Concert. Organized numerically, not topically. Or chronologically. I have no explanation as to why this worked better for me. 

Design, print, and cut 500 tickets.

Design and print 350 programs.

Burn 45 performance DVDs.

Teach 24 mostly willing and slightly experienced teenagers everything from the Cha Cha to the Quickstep.

Set lights for 21 dance numbers.

Choose music for 17 dance numbers.

Costume for 17 dance numbers. (And by "costume" I mean everything from sewing skirts for the team to choosing and purchasing clothing and accessories. On a teacher's budget.)

Choreograph 15.5 dance numbers for mostly willing, almost willing, inexperienced, and slightly experienced teenagers. Then teach said choreography to said teenagers.

Cut and edit music for 15 dance numbers.

Teach 14 almost willing and rather inexperienced teenagers the basics of social dance.

Invite 4 guest dance numbers to perform to add variety (and help boost ticket sales - marketing!).

Design 2 separate posters for display.

Video record 2 separate performances.

And...keep 1 husband happy throughout the process!
(Or maybe it's have 1 husband keeping Kid One happy throughout the process...!)

I know. Doesn't it just make your head want to spin around until it spins clean off?

This doesn't even take into account all the hours Kid One puts into running extra rehearsals. And being in charge of the Dance Department at the High School. And writing tickets to students parked in the teacher parking lot.

(Did I mention she is only 24? Yeah... I have no idea what I was doing at 24. It certainly wasn't writing tickets to students parked in the teacher parking lot.) 

Anyway, now I have more pics to share. Yay! More pictures! 

Here are some photos from the rehearsal I visited. I took them.

Kid One teaching the boys about...lines. And holds.

Kid One teaching the girls about....lines. It's very important. See them experimenting with head position?

My kicks. I have no idea how they made it into this post. 

Working it out together!

: ) 

No caption here. Just a smile. 

Because this makes me smile. 

: )

The girls. Looking all fierce and stuff. Like Kid One. She's a good teacher.

And here are some photos from the concert! A Mom took them. With a lens I envy.

Recognize these fierce girls? 

Rockin' the Tango in skirts Kid One made. 

She gets her sewing genes from her mother....in-law. 

The Lindy. In leos she designed.

Rumba Doble. In dresses she altered by cutting a sleeve here and adding a ruffle there.

A close-up of above dress. And a really cool pose.

A shot from the opener.

I have no idea what this is from. But I like the kid at the front so it stays.

Ta-Da! 

Final pose of the concert. 

Impressive, isn't it? And all because of Kid One! 

Phew! After all her work I need a nap. 

Bragging session over.

PS. Did I mention that Kid One also puts together a Winter Concert and takes her team to at least two competitions each year?

Okay, bragging session really over...

: )